Monday, July 23, 2012

Fast Forward to U/S #2

I started a post a few days ago that I thought I saved, but sadly it's lost in the blogosphere somewhere.  We had our first ultrasound on 7/17 and we were thrilled to see a little tiny heart beat.  We were in awe, even though I had started feeling the nausea set in, until you see that beating heart, it's anyone's guess how the 1st ultrasound will go.  We were asked to come back a week later - which was today, where if everything went well, we would "graduate" to our OB.  One week later, here we are, graduated and onto our OB.  R and I made a very decision over the last couple of weeks, we decided to change OB practices so that we could deliver in the community hospital that is a mile and a half from our home, vs. staying with the OB whom we love at GW.  As much as we wanted to stay with her, and that practice, the practicality of delivering a few minutes from home vs. an hour away just won out.  I want things to be easy for R, who will be juggling Smiley, our dog, our families, if G_d willing we make it to our March due date.  So I did some research and asked my RE about the practices who refer to them, and picked a group that has a great reputation.  I go in on Monday 8/6 for an ultrasound, and the next day we go in for our initial appointment.  Another beloved 2ww :)

The nausea has really set in at this point, I struggle with talking too much about how difficult it is, because I don't want to complain about something that so many people would give their left arm to have - and I know that feeling of want!  I just want to be able to function without always feeling so sick.  I was able to get some Zofran today from my RE's office, and I'm hoping that that will do the trick, I took it when I was pregnant with Smiley, I had horrible nausea for 16 weeks with her, I imagine I may be in for a similar ride. 

So we're still in the game, I'm so grateful for having made it this far.  Keeping hope alive that this little bundle will stick around for the long haul :)

Monday, July 9, 2012


I have made it through 3 betas relatively unscathed.  It's hard to believe that it's been a week since my first beta, I never thought I would make it to that date, and now I have survived a 5 day vacation with R's mom, aunt and uncle, and a sneaky trip to Labcorp to have my second beta drawn in the middle of it all.  R's mom knows what's going on, but his aunt and uncle do not, and we were at their beach house.  I fabricated a story that I needed to have some routine bloodwork drawn for a physical that I have this week, so I scheduled a 7:30am appointment at the labcorp 3 miles from their house, near Atlantic City.  Aside from needing to wait 24 hours for the results (even though they were written as "stat"), when I learned the result of 1669, I was able to take a breath and enjoy the rest of our trip.  We had some great time on the beach, saw friends, had some wonderful meals, and were able to get some relaxation in there, despite the oppressive heat that everyone was dealing with along the east coast. I have to admit that I was looking forward to getting home and back to my routine, and to my 3rd beta which was drawn today.  The result was good, it was around 4600, which the nurse said was right where it needed to be.  For some reason I was thinking it would be higher, but she said that it's rising appropriately, and they want me to come in for an ultrasound next Tuesday, 7/17.

I am doing my best to not let my anxiety take over my being.  I am extremely grateful to have made it this far, and the fact that I am even pregnant at this moment in time, gives me hope that if it doesn't work this time around, it CAN work.  But of course, the fear creeps in from time to time, as different twinges and twitches come up.  I know we have a very long way to go, and we have had way too many losses to start celebrating this early in the game.  I keep repeating "one day at a time" when I start to feel the panic set in, but I often feel that I need to be prepared for the worst. 

In the mean time, I have a busy week of work, and coming up at the end of the week, is a very big anniversary. July 13th would have been my mom's 65th birthday, the 14th will be the 10 year anniversary of her passing.  I just can't believe that so much time has gone by, so much has happened these last 10 years.  I still wish I could pick up the phone and tell my mom about my day, gush about her beautiful grand daughter, cry over the losses I've experienced before and after Smiley.  I just miss her.  Plain and simple. We have some things planned for the weekend to honor my mother's memory; for the first time in years, I am not dreading these 2 days that are normally looming over me like an annual gray cloud.  I am actually looking forward to celebrating my mom, rather than mourning her.  I'm going to take Smiley to the cemetary on Friday, I'll have her draw a couple of pictures and we'll slip them under her stone.  We'll talk to her, sing some songs, and leave some rocks, in the traditional Jewish fashion. Friday night I plan to make my mom's lasagna recipe in her honor, and on Sunday, we'll go back to the cemetary, along with R, my dad and brother, and then we'll go out for brunch and celebrate her some more.  I know she'll be happy with our plans for remembering her on such an important anniversary. After all, she's always on our minds, 365 days a year, but this weekend, I know her presence will truly be felt.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Beta #1

I am in the midst of packing for a 6 day vacation to Margate, NJ with my husband's family - it was always dicey in my mind thinking of what this vacation could look like given how my beta was to turn out today.  I kept thinking about how miserable I would be on the trip if my beta was negative, and how anxious I would be if my beta was positive, and having to sneak away for a blood draw at a Labcorp on Thursday, and all around just keeping the news to ourselves.   Well, it turns out that I get to enjoy an anxious week at the beach with additional del estrogen and progesterone shots, and a 7:30 blood draw on beta came back positive today, I still can't believe it.  The number was 488, and I am 13dp5dt.  We are very excited, but after enduring many many miscarriages, I need to keep a level head and take this one step at a time.  If I can get through this vacation in one piece, that will bea step in the right direction :)

Hoping to have a good result from Thursday's beta, and then I'll go back to my RE's office on Monday for a 3rd.  Continuing to cross all fingers, toes, and anything else crossable :)