IVF #7 has begun

I have officially begun my protocol for IVF #7, which is my 2nd IVF post miracle baby Smiley.  It's so hard to believe that a year ago yesterday I had emergency surgery to remove my ruptured tube, thanks to an ectopic.  So much has happened this past year, it's hard to believe it all happened in just one.  My last cycle began in Feburary and was over and done with by March with a BFN.  We took a break with all intentions of putting our house on the market and moving over the summer, with the hopes of doing another cycle early fall.  Of course things didn't happened the way we'd planned (as they rarely do) and it took us much longer to sell and move, but I'm thinking that the extra long break was a good thing, given that R's new job brought new fertility coverage for us, including meds.  When I first began my TTC journey I was working for a large pharmaceutical company that provided amazing fertility coverage, I was able to get through 3 IVF cycles with 100% coverage, including meds.  With my last cycle, we had to pay out of pocket for meds, (and PGD) which left me reeling about how much these drugs and procedures cost, and how multiple cycles could easily send someone into bankruptcy.  Being back on the other end of the spectrum again, I was in tears when I leared our coverage was so robust, and I feel very grateful for this.

I did have to jump through some hoops and had some near misses with starting my cycle, when getting pre-authorized and ordering my meds from Aetna specialty pharmacy.  The timing was super sensitive, as my RE wanted me to start Cetrotide on day 22, prior to the start of my period.  Aetna was taking forever to confirm that my prescription was in my system, and my nurse had to called a few days in a row to get it all squared away. Thankfully, by the skin of my teeth, my meds arrived Friday morning (starting them yesterday, Saturday!) and wouldn't you know it, my period arrived first thing yesterday morning - on day 22.  Some cycles are 22 days, some are 30. Thankfully I was able to text my nurse and find out if I could still start my cycle, and it turns out we're just making a few tweaks to the protocol.  So last night, during Hankkah party and a house full of family - I went upstairs to mix my Cetrotide, and give myself my first injection since March. After 6 years of being on the TTC rollercoaster, it really is like riding a bike.

I am not sure how I feel about this cycle - my track record with IVF is not good, only one has been successful, and it ended in a miscarriage at week 9.  Smiley was conceived naturally.  My last IVF did not work.  We've decided to forego PGD, as we've done it twice and it has not helped us at all (we even did it the cycle that ended in miscarriage, a very rare occurrance).   For some reason I feel hopeful, I guess part of me believes that if we could have one baby, we should be able to have another - but my brain also recognizes that I am 3 years older than I was when Smiley was conceived.  It was not easy for us the 1st time, it's not going to be that easy this time.  

This could be our last cycle usin my eggs.  We have said that we are open to moving on to DE if this doesn't work, but I really want to take this cycle one day at a time, and see how I feel.

On a side note - I went to a friend's son's 5 year old birthday party today.  Every year I think about how I was pregant the same time this friend was, and lost my baby in a miscarriage at 7 weeks.  I should have a 5 year old.  If I want to get nit picky, I should have 6 kids with all of the pregnancies I've had, but I am luckier than so many women, and can say that I have one, amazing, perfect little girl.  If in the end, she is our only child, I will be so grateful for that.