Monday, August 29, 2011

Too much Limbo in my Life

Today R and I met with my RE for the first time since our most recent IVF (#6), which we did in February.  This was our first IVF since our daughter was born; a couple of months prior, I was rushed into emergency surgery with a ruptured ectopic.  That was one of the scariest experiences of my life, probably even scarier than when I had acute RE made it seem like every moment I spent outside of the operating room was one more moment that gallons of blood were filling my abdomen. Although I was terribly saddened to lose a fallopian tube, I certainly was happy that I didn't lose my life.

When our IVF was not successful R and I decided that we were going to take some time off and focus on some other goals that we wanted to acheive this year.  We had been wanting to put our townhouse on the market for some time, and move to a single family home. We felt that this was something that would give us a distraction that we needed, and we would visit my RE to develop a plan once we were settled into a new home.  We had left our failed IVF with no follow up plan, which was somewhat tough for me to swallow.  We had exhausted the fertility coverage that our insurance plan offered, and knowing that we wanted to move, we felt it was more important to put any available cash toward a new home, as opposed to another IVF that may or may not work.  I found myself in a totally different situation than we were in before we had Smiley: something else took precedence over our fertility issues.  Before Smiley was born there was nothing that was going to get in the way of fertility treatments. I couldn't think about moving into a bigger house - I didn't want to have to look at the empty rooms, longing for a way to fill them.  But now, I realized that we have to think of Smiley and what's best for her, as we navigate through our journey to bringing her a sibling.  So May 19th, our house went on the market.

Our housing situation has kept us on a roller coaster with as many twists and turns as the IF ride.  We had two contracts that have fallen through since May, the first one had stuck long enough for us to put a contract on my dream home, which we had to give up once the jerk backed out of our contract.  That house sold 5 days after we withdrew.  I decided that I needed to see my RE and at least start mapping out a plan, so that once we're ready, we can execute.

There are so many unknowns with us, that there is no way to know what the best course of action will be.  I only have one tube, but we're not sure if it's even functioning properly, so next cycle I will have an HSG done. It's been 5 years since I had my first one, so why the heck not? I had several vials of blood drawn today, to take a look at some levels, but will need to go in on day 3 for an FSH estrodial reading.  My FSH levels have never been high, yet my poor quality embryos and early miscarriages could lead one to believe that my eggs are not so great.  We've thought about doing a few IUI's, as they would be covered by my insurance, but with only one tube, every IUI would be a crap shoot as to which ovary would ovulate.  Basically, we left our appointment with no more plan of action than we walked in with; we'll find out the results of my tests and re-assess.   Hopefully we'll be able to come up with a plan that I can feel comfortable with, and will no longer feel like a leaf blowing in the wind.

In the mean time, here's to hoping our housing roller coaster comes to a halt very soon.


  1. Welcome to this community ... I hope you find it as supportive as I have!

    I hope that your roller coaster ends soon. One more miracle isn't too much to ask for.

  2. Looking forward to reading. Thanks for writing :)

  3. Here from cgd's blog. Welcome to the IF blogging community! It's amazing, and you will find support that you never knew was possible. I hope your RE has a good plan for you!

  4. Thank you so much for the comments and for following me - cgd and I go way back and have been through a lot together, it's sad that our IF issues have brought us even closer, I know how much you all have meant to her through her journey and I'm so honored to be a part of this world.

  5. Found you via LFCA...have added you to my blogroll as I am also in my mid-30's and experiencing secondary infertility.

  6. I wanted to say welcome to the community! I'm looking forward to following your story. My name is Mic, I have a 13 mo old daughter after IVF. We're struggling with TTC for a sibling as well.